Those who know me well know I used to work for Charter Communications, a cable company providing television, Internet, and Telephone services to people all over the USA. It's the 4th largest cable provider currently. Now, as I no longer work for them and have employment elsewhere now, and am under no obligation to be loyal to them anymore. Frankly, all cable companies tend to be a lot a like, though some have mastered the customer service excellence others can only dream of. In Charter's case, they are about half & half in that area, and they have a lot more work to do, though I doubt they will actually take the right steps to actually do it.

Let's face it, folks, cable companies do end up with a bad rap from competitors and disgruntled customers. I'm not saying they don't deserve it at times, but they don't deserve it ALL the time. They are not as bad as some would have you believe, and in fact, there are many happy cable customers out there. I talk to those people often, and it's a pleasure to help them. To be honest, a cable company only hears from about 10 to 20% of their actual customer base from any given franchise (area, city, etc) on a daily basis, and most of those calls are for making payments, adding/removing services, transferring services, or disconnecting. Of the disconnects, less than half tend to be due to dissatisfaction with the service or the billing. Most are due to the subscriber moving out of area or in with another subscriber. If you don't believe me, then that's your prerogative, I suppose.

I worked in the department that dealt with just that area; disconnections, transfers, and downgrades. I also dealt with billing and worked in the video repair department for a while with the company, so I assisted with those areas as well. As you can imagine, I have heard my fair share of insults, swear words, and put downs of myself and Charter. In fact, I heard this stuff daily, so naturally that kind of thing makes me roll my eyes and wonder why some of these folks never consider anger management therapy. I never take these things personally because I consider the source. If the customer in question is so lame as to hurl insults and profanities at me or the company, then they are not worth the time it might take to get irritated with them.

I would say that in the retention department the percentage of customer behavior on calls was 80/30. Eighty percent were nice and understanding, and 20% were outright liars with attitude issues. That 20% consisted of people calling in and trying to get promotions, payment arrangement extensions, or non-pay disconnection explanations (or reconnections). They usually were very rude and obnoxious and gave every reason imaginable to make you give them what they want. For the non-pay disconnect people, if they would just pay their bills, the billing or retention reps would not have to even talk to them! The problem with these folks is that they ruin it for everyone else who calls in for legitimate reasons. Not to mention the fact that they can put a tarnish on an otherwise good day. I can understand wanting to save money, but why be a complete jerk about it? Also, rules are rules. Customer service reps do not and should not have to bend the rules just because a customer gets nasty. Yeah, go ahead and ask for a supervisor, too. They don't go for the rude song and dance any better than anyone else. In fact, they usually tell them they will do nothing for them and hang up if the abuse gets really bad. People just don't seem to get this. Be nice, listen to what they're saying, and maybe...just maybe...you will get what you are wanting! It's just that simple, folks!

My normal day consisted of getting to work about 10 to 20 minutes early to get ready for the cable customer circus parade. I got my water and tea and any snack I needed, then waited for noon to arrive so I could actually log in to my computer. Most companies give you about 5 minutes before you actually have to be on the phone and taking calls, but not Charter! Being the sticklers for policy they are, they insisted that you wait until the exact time you are to be on the phone to log into your computer and get all of your necessary applications up. They claimed it was because the State of Washington's labor bureau was dictating it. Um...sure...whatever! What sucks about this is that there were a couple of applications that took at least 3 minutes to start up. So, here I am waiting for these programs to start up, get everything going and it is at least 5 to 7 minutes after before I can take my first call. What I would have liked was to have was 5 minutes before I had to be on the phone to get all this out of the way, but NOOOOOOO! What's funny (sort of) is that if they even THINK you were logging in early, they'd email your supervisor, who was then required to nag at you for having the nerve to try being on time for your first call.

So after getting the computer up and getting logged on, I take my first call. If I was lucky, I'd get a nice customer who just wanted to change something on their account to save a little money. Usually, I did get those folks. But occasionally, I'd be so unlucky and get someone who wants to disconnect, drop a line of service, or complain about their bill being past due. Now, most times, they were nice and just want to figure out what to do to get caught up. But some days it would go something like this:

Helpful Cable Representative (Me): Thank you for calling Charter, my name is Jordan, how can I help you today?

Crabby-ass Customer with an Attitude (CCA): I want to disconnect services right now! Come and get your crap out of my house!!!

Me: I'm sorry to hear you are having some problems but I can help....

CCA: (interrupting and almost yelling) You aren't really sorry! You people are a monopoly and I'm going to DISH!! Just come and get your stupid equipment and shut my service off!!!

Me: (as nicely as possible) Okay, I can certainly help you with doing this, but I do need to bring up your account so I can get your account taken care of. I need to ask a couple of questions to pull up the account, is that okay?

CCA: (angrily) I already put my number into that computer thingy! Why do you need it again?!

Me: (still as nicely as possible, but wishing they would just chill out) I'm sorry for the hassle but the system did not bring up the account for me. Can I please have the phone number on your account.

CCA: (gives me the phone number in a very snotty manner) I can't believe how incompetent you all are!

Me: (still nicely, even though I'd love to send a brick through the phone line to smack them with) Thank you, and for security purposes I just need to verify either the account number or the last four numbers of the social security number on the account.

CCA: (voice going up an octave and now sounding more like they are a rabid squirrel) I don't have to give you my social!! I don't have my account number. You need to ask me something else!!

Me: (still nicely, trying hard not to ask them if they even have a freakin' brain) I'm sorry m'am/sir, but I have to verify the account or I cannot help you. Do you have a copy of your statement anywhere? The account number is on the statement.

CCA: (Still sounding like a rabid squirrel) I shred my statements after I pay them!! I can't believe this!

Me: (Now pitying the idiot and still wishing I had an instant shock button I could push to knock them into next week) Then I will need to have you verify the last four of your social, m'am/sir. The FCC requires us to verify information on your account with either your social or your account number.

CCA: (Now sounding more like a howler monkey on meth) I SAID I DON"T HAVE TO !@#$%^%$ GIVE YOU THAT!!! I WANT A SUPERVISOR!!!!!!!!

Me: (almost gleefully) No problem, m'am/sir, I will get a supervisor for you. It'll just be a minute.

CCA: (in howler monkey mode still) It better be only a minute!! I've been on the phone with your company for an hour! I can't believe how incompetent you people are!! You people are....

Me: (happily putting them on hold so I don't have to listen to them anymore and summoning a supervisor)

Now, the intensity of this example was few and far between, but I did get these kinds of people calling, believe it or not. I never really did find out why they were so angry most times because they didn't shut up long enough to actually tell me, or they just were too busy being jerks to listen to me asking them what was wrong. Most customers who are upset are not as bad as this. Most just sound annoyed, tired, or frustrated, which I work with just fine. I can defuse upset customers well and get them to be a lot more civil, and also help them solve their problems, but when you have a totally angry and out of control customer as I detailed before, you usually just wish they would hang up. Often, they do before you even get them a supervisor. Then these idiots call back and make another poor representative's day miserable. This is makes them total asshats in general.

Another aspect of my job was working with repair, which I enjoy since I'm a bit of a geek and love fixing things on a technical level. My only real gripe with this was getting customers who refuse to cooperate when I asked them to do the simple things, such as power cycle a piece of equipment (power cycle = unplug item from the power outlet and then plug it back in after 30 seconds). I mean, how hard is it to unplug a stupid cable box? It takes more energy to argue with me about it than it does to just reach over and unplug the stupid box! Don't sit there and huff and puff, bluster on like a moron, or give me grief. Just freakin' do it! It's worse with Internet customers sometimes, especially if you're speaking to someone who thinks they know it all about the Internet. IT people are the worst Internet customers in the world! They do think they know better than you and usually tend to come of as being total entitlement idiots. You usually have to treat them like the 5 year olds they are acting like.

One unfortunate aspect of corporate existence in this rough economy is dealing with foreign outsourcing. Charter, just like many other companies in the United States, did this with a few of their departments. I wish they wouldn't do it at all, since it's probably one of the most disrespectful things they could ever do to our customers. Look at it this way; these folks are overseas, in countries where English is definitely not their primary language. To do justice to these folks...they are just trying to make a living, which in their country may be about 10 to 15 bucks less than we make here in America. But, to offer a little criticism, the language barrier is a little too rough for many customers. Picture this, a customer from Baton Rouge, Louisiana calls the company to discuss billing. They get a billing rep from India who does speak English, but not very well. For starters, the person from Louisiana may already have a strong Southern accent to begin with, but this along with a representative who's understanding of English is not 100% can create nothing but frustration and stress for both sides. That translates into reduced customer satisfaction, increased potential for revenue loss, and a sucky day for the customer and the representative.

When you factor in the retention rep located in the USA in this outsourcing mess,they are the ones who tend to get the transferred call with the customer wanting to disconnect. Usually, it is because the billing rep cannot do more then just tell them the bill or cannot give them another offer like they had before. Sometimes, it's because the customer is pissed off that they had to speak to a rep outside of the USA. Other times, the billing rep will just flat out dump off the call and not even tell the customer they are going to be transferring them! The retention rep doesn't even get the customer's information from that rep so they get to frustrate the customer more by asking the same questions the customer had already been asked. If they are lucky, they can keep them from disconnecting by giving them the proper customer service and respect they deserved in the first place.

I did enjoy helping the outsourcers when they required assistance. They are usually quite nice to talk to, and it's good to help them to help their customers. There were outsourcers out there who are in America as well, and ironically enough, I got more of them actually dumping the calls on me without telling me any information at all! C'mon, you guys...at least give the rep you are transferring to the respect you'd like to get yourself and take a minute of your time to tell them about the customer you are farming off to them!

Normally, I would not have a problem coaching or getting coached on my performance as a rep. All cable companies do coaching. It's a fact of weekly life in a call center in general. But in a cable company call center like Charter's, you get to sit down with your supervisor, listen to what you have done that they think could be improved upon, and look over the "all important" statistics that the company seems to value more than the reps the stats are based on. I hated coaching sessions at Charter...with a passion. However, when I got coached for something that I know for a fact I did not do, the war was on. I once got a coaching sent to my supervisor from an outsourced agent, claiming I put untrue statements on a customer account. When I checked out what they were even talking about, I found that I had merely written that THE CUSTOMER SAID that the previous rep had been rude and would not help her. The CUSTOMER said this, and all I did was note the account verifying that that is what they told me. Now, not only was this coaching written in error, it was also written with errors. Lots of them. In fact, it would have appeared either English was their second language or they simply flunked an English class or two in school.

Needless to say, I was pretty surprised. At first, I laughed about it, then it occurred to me that this person needed to be taught a lesson. Now, I did address the issue in a professional manner through my own supervisor, but this is what I REALLY wish I could have said back to this person:

"First of all....you're an outsourced agent. You are not employed by my company. If you were, you would know that when the customer explains the reason they are calling in you must write WHAT THEY SAID! I didn't say it, you moron, the customer did! Want me to lie and say they thought the previous rep was as sweet as honey instead? I'm sure you would, but THAT IS NOT WHAT THEY SAID! So do me a favor and quit being so sensitive or get another job, because if you can't handle a customer's opinion you are definitely in the wrong line of work!"

Sure, customers don't always tell the truth when you talk to them. Sometimes their perception of an agent's behavior or tone of voice is skewed for one reason or another. It is the agent's job to note the account with the information the customer provides them. Just because some other person from an outsourced agency did not like that I wrote that the customer said another rep was rude to them does not mean I have to accept their "coaching." In fact, I coached them back, suggesting that they be coached on not sending out false coachings. My supervisor agreed with my coaching of the outsourcer and sent it to THEIR supervisor. Did anything happen to actually correct the agent? Probably not. Coaching in a cable company is a farce at best. It's merely another way for the company to annoy the hell out of you and make you fear for your job.

Cable companies LOVE statistics. Most companies these days live and breath stats. They would probably love it if a fart could produce statistics that show a "positive trend." If that was the case then Charter would need liberal doses of Fabreeze every hour. I understand the need to track and monitor trends and other vital statistics, but must it be done to such extremes that your employees become the whipping posts? Apparently, cable companies feel this is necessary. Statistics dictate nearly every move these companies make, which only means the agents pay the price. Some even pay it with the loss of their jobs. Never mind the fact that these companies make one fiscal mistake after another. Forget the fact that they pay a gob of money on stupid crap like consultants who write what the agents are supposed to say and do no matter how ineffective it may actually be. God forbid an agent actually saves someone from going to another provider by giving them a promotion because the company would not make as much money off of that customer's account because of it. Let me get this straight then...an agent should just let the customer go to another company and lose out on the revenue all together because the bean counters at the corporate level want a bigger paycheck? Hmmmm. Okay. I'm one of those agents who will try to save the customer at all costs unless I know for a fact they cannot be saved from leaving at all. Am I wrong? I don't think so. It would seem that even a little revenue is better than none, correct? Right. Tell this to the corporate big wigs who get the huge bonuses that I can only dream about.

I love helping people, and working for the cable industry was okay, but there are times I felt Charter just wanted me to practically sell my soul for them. Sorry, but that's not going to happen no matter who I work for. Had it not been for a bout of cold after flu and then pneumonia, I would probably still be with Charter. But, I listened to some very very bad advice from a supervisor and Charter's HR department and ended up taking my leave from the place I called "the slave pit."

Cable is as cable does, friends. It's not perfect by any means, but it's better than being unemployed, which I was until recently. If I work for a cable company again, it would mean I was so desperate for work that I was willing to sacrifice my health again...which is so much better now that I have left Charter Communications. May I never have to return...