As a kid, the only thing I knew about religion was that it was boring. I would go to church only if it was a holiday or a funeral, which was so confusing. Either way, I couldn’t stand the music and there was either some guy who talked for about an hour about stuff in the Bible, or there was a guy who spoke about the person in that box up at the front of the pulpit for about a half hour while everyone around me cried. Until 1980, religion was something I didn’t much care about at all.

When my family moved to tiny little Vernonia, Oregon in 1979, it was because my parents sought a good environment for us kids and my father loved mountains and forest areas (and he still does). Sometime after we got there, my parents started attending services at Vernonia Bible Church, which was great until they decided my brother and I had to start going, too. Man, it was as if they were asking me to go to the guillotine every Sunday. I really did not like having to get up, put on a dress, ride in the car to the church, and then sit for an hour listening to the pastor talk…and talk….and talk…and talk some more.

My brother, being kind of the ‘yes man’ he was at the time, had no real problem with this. I, on the other hand, loathed it. Okay, loathed is a strong word, I know, but it was very true. If I remember correctly, I gave a protest to being dragged there each Sunday and got the typical parental “while living in our house you will do what we tell you” speech. Once the speech is given you pretty much have no other options but to give in. I was still a teenager with no car and no one else near who really would have wanted to help me, so I was pretty much stuck. I was packed off to church every week, hiding my disdain to the best of my ability, sang the boring hymns, and tried not to fall asleep while the pastor spoke. The only part I liked about Sunday was that we usually went somewhere to eat lunch or I got to go back home and sit in my room listening to my REO Speedwagon music and write silly stories about them and other musicians. To me, that was more important than the “good word” that my parents and the pastor were always trying to get me to take to heart.

I never understood why my parents were so into this “Christianity thing,” so as a teen I chalked it up to them getting older and looking for a way to not feel elderly (they were only in their 40’s at the time). I tried to go along with it, even though I really did not understand it much at all. I even went to Vacation Bible School at the church and won the grand prize ribbon for being able to list the books of the bible from Genesis to Revelations (which I can no longer do, unfortunately). I started going to Sunday school, too. Doubtless, I bet you are wondering why I would do this if I hated going to church so much, right? Did you miss the part when I said I was a teenager? Did I forget to tell you there was a really cute boy in my age group I loved to sit next to? Well, there ya go. Despite this hormonal influence and my feeble attempts to impress said boy enough to take an interest in me, I still pressed on at my quest to play the great Christianity game with my parents.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I loved God. I thought he was wonderful, loving, totally cool, and amazing. I actually did learn about God and His word during my adolescence. I did ask Jesus to come into my heart and be my personal savior, and I truly believed in him (and very much still do). I was baptized around age 16 at the church, and felt that I knew Him well. It was not God I had the problem with at all. It was His followers.

Those who know me well enough know that I abhor judgmental people. There is nothing more hypocritical then a person who calls you a friend or proclaims to be a fellow believer and then judges you to the point of humiliation. Belittling someone you don’t know is bad enough, but belittling someone you do know by way of blindly judging them is just plain criminal. Unfortunately, as a teen I saw so much of this happening between parishioners in the church nearly each Sunday. Whispering about who did what to whom and how much of a sinner they were because of this, that, or the other thing; claiming that another person was going to go to hell because they listened to a certain type of music or did not believe as they did. I would even witness some of these people from the church doing some of the very things they condemned others for, yet justify it somehow, either claiming something in their childhood or that some evil influence from elsewhere made them do it.

I began to do all I could to stay away from the church. I pretended to be sick, said I had too much to do (homework or another project), or just flat out said I refused to go (later in my 20’s I did this). I didn’t want to be around a place where people who professed to love God and others in the church would be so blatantly hypocritical. After a while, I became very critical of the church in general, and eventually put my beliefs on the back burner and turned toward things I felt would not hurt as much. What is sad is that I was doing exactly what others who shunned religion do. You begin to believe the examples set before you are what everyone else is like and get the impression that those people are what the whole religion is, which is actually foolish. Sadly, I did not have too many positive examples of Christianity when I was a teen. Not even my own parents, who at that time were just beginning in the church and were doing as they saw others do. At that time, I doubt they realized the damage it was doing to their own daughter to watch the weirdness that happened at the church.

As I reached my 20’s and went off into my own little world, I went through periods of total rebellion, then conviction of my actions and rededications to God, and then back to rebellion again. Wrapped up into the music community as deeply as I was, I was happier hanging out with musicians and learning to accept their habits, defects, and judgments. Somehow, it was easier than listening to the judgments and criticisms of other Christians. I also got into radio broadcasting, spending 11 years as an on-air radio talent. Believe me, people, that is a whole other kind of dysfunction all together…but I digress. Finally, well into my 30’s, I got out of radio, still firmly rooted in my rock & roll band obsession, and delved more into business; More specifically, customer service for a couple businesses. I liked it, because I could help people who I didn’t know, who didn’t know me, and with whom I never had to speak to again. I could feel good, make money, and try to forget how incredibly lost I actually felt.

What’s worse is that while I was trying to get away from what I thought was the imperfections of the Christian church, I launched myself headlong into my association with REO Speedwagon, accepting and taking on the behaviors that I thought was acceptable as a part of the community. Some of the behaviors were good, but many were really bad. Just to be clear, I’m not blaming anyone but myself for this.

When that world fell apart, I felt more lost than ever, but still was reluctant to believe the church would be of any help. I actually felt that the people of the church were no better in many respects than people I had encountered in the rock & roll community. What I failed to realize was that the people who hurt me within the church and the people who hurt me within the rock & roll community were not everyone. I blanketed the issue with my own judgment, which was just as wrong as the judgment I felt these people were inflicting upon me. The church was not the problem. The problem was within me.

The phrase “when God closes a door, he opens a window” is very true. I’ve had many doors closed on me. Some were even slammed in my face. But, without these experiences there would be no windows opened. And there have been many windows opened; I give God the glory and praise for that, indeed. If I hadn’t gone through the trials, I would never have been given the chance to experience the good things that are now coming to pass. I’m sure there will be more trials and tribulations, but that is to be expected. Life is what it is, but you have to learn how to handle each aspect in the best way possible or you will never learn how to be truly happy.

My parents, who have changed in their faith and relationship with God in a very positive way over the last 30 years, are nothing like some of the people I still see pointing fingers and accusing within the church. My father is a pastor now, and a very loving, non-judgmental one at that. My mother, while still occasionally prone to some judgmental observations, is one of the most loving and caring women I know. They have gone through some rather harrowing experiences as well, but for the most part they have done so with guidance from God. Guidance from God? Yes. And that is probably one of the main things I wish to convey in this little rant about religion.

They call it organized religion, which is actually one of the biggest oxymorons there is. Religion in and of itself is chaotic and flawed. The only part of it that is organized is the meetings within the building and the gatherings at spiritually motivated events. I have to admit that I enjoy going to church services more these days because the music at the Pentecostal churches is so much more exciting and truly uplifting to me. I can think of no better way to celebrate my love and appreciation to God than to rock out and sing to Him. Singing is something I always do to those I love, from my family & friends to my pets. If I didn’t have to work on Sundays I would go to services.

I bet you are asking what inspired this change, huh? Well, it isn’t a change that happened all at once. Over the years, I have gone to a few church services and experienced some really cool things. Music, for starters. I have always loved music anyway, but somehow the old hymns just never appealed to me. They seemed sad somehow. It wasn’t until I heard some of them performed in a more uplifting way that I began to like singing them and started to actually understand their meaning.

I also began to understand that Christianity is not going to church and singing hymns. It is not saying Praise the Lord and doing good works. It is not paying tithes and praying all the time. These things are done in faith. Christianity first and foremost is a relationship with God through his son Jesus. As it reads in the Bible, (see John 3:16…then keep reading), God sent his own Son to earth with the purpose of taking our place. He sacrificed himself to pay for the many sins of this world. Because Jesus paid that price, you and I don’t have to spend eternity in a really sucky place. All you have to do is believe in him. It’s just that simple.

If you believe as I do, you are probably saying “Amen.” If you do not believe as I do you are most likely rolling your eyes right now and thinking “aw crap, she’s another one of those Bible beaters!” I’ve never beaten a bible in my life, folks. I’d have no reason to since a bible has never abused me. I was once smacked on the butt with a Bible but that’s a whole other story and I had it coming.

I have always said I hold strong to what I believe, and I do not force it on anyone. I do share my beliefs, as I have just done. What I never do is scream what I believe, tell people they are going to hell, or place judgment on them for their beliefs, race, sexual orientation, or appearance. Sadly, there are those who do this, and these are the people who have fostered the negative reputation that Christianity has gotten. Christians are persecuted for their beliefs, though not nearly as bad here in America as they are in other countries. However, here in America the stigma placed on Christians is that we are all judgmental, hypocritical bigots. That is just not the way it is, people. Never judge someone according to the behaviors of others. You don’t appreciate it when someone judges you unfairly, so why do it to others?

This world we live in is filled with many kinds of religions. People believe many things, some feasible, some not. For Christians, I want you to understand that to be a Christian is not to judge, but to love. I know some Christians think it is their job to judge others and scare them into redemption. While I get what you are trying to do you must know that you do no good with this method. This is not properly displaying God’s love. Do not force the Word of God at people! Do not condemn them! By doing so, you are not doing the will of the Lord. Instead, you may be losing the precious souls of many. Minds and hearts can and will close with this kind of method. It works for very few, and I pray you understand this. Check your own relationship with God before you rag on others concerning theirs. (For questions, please see Matthew 7:1-5 and keep it book marked)

If you are not a Christian, you need to know that not all Christians are the judgmental, donation seeking, hell fire and brimstone spewing variety. If you are basing your view on Christianity on that kind of stereotype, you are doing so by seeing the example of a small percentage of actual Christians. It’s not a good example, either, and it does not represent the whole of Christianity, okay?

Christians come in all shapes and sizes, many are quiet and unassuming, some are a serious kick in the pants and a blast to hang around with; a great many are well educated and quite a pleasure to know. If you judge someone according to what you hear, you are actually doing the same thing to them that you think they would do to you. How do you know they actually would? For that matter, why would you think they would just because they say they are a Christian? If you don’t believe in God, I suppose that’s your choice. My hope for you is that you find out in a wonderful way that He is real and very much worth your attention. You have no idea the cool things that await you once you start your relationship, mah friend. It’s worth it!

Religion is not very organized. If anything it’s a disorganized mess. What really matters most is where you are in your relationship with God. Don’t get caught up in religion. Get caught up in the relationship, okay?